May already wow....

Not really, infact time is going so slow I sometimes think the world has stopped ! I do however write on 2 more blogs apart from that, so trying to keep all 3 is quite hard when you have not got the motivation to even write one. But I think sometimes I need to continue to write so I have clue about dates and things that could prove helpful in the future. So from march, my last update quite a lot as happened actually, but nothing that's going to save the world, just bits and bobs. In no particular order, basically because I can not remember the order cos of the short term memory issue I suffer from. But at the moment I am lying here with my spinal stimulator fitted inside of my back. Ok it's only the trail, but its been in 8 days now and was fitted at Guys hospital in London on 11th May 2013. Jo came with me because she had no work with it being a Saturday, but I'm sure no matter what day it was she would of come with me, and I'm pleased she did. She been a great help this last year and of course I'm so grateful, that the girl I hope to spend the rest of my life with cares enough to want to be with me a cripple who can't really give her anything but my love. But I do try, and I know in the future I can repay her back. Repaying her hopefully with a nice big bungalow somewhere that accommodates all the animals and teddy bears..... But I have to wait for Matra to come good before I can afford to do that. But that's going off subject, so back to the trail. Once it was fitted and in theatre they then had to fine tune it so the electrodes produced the stimulator inside my spine. It's all freaky stuff messing with my spine and shit, but it went ok and by the second attempt to hit the spot for the pain they did just that. The stimulator was turned on and I was ready to go home that day. I basically have a remote control and I up the power when I am struggling with pain and reduce when I'm not. One of the conditions in the trail is to cut down on your pain medication, which I had done the week before by 50%. I lasted just 36 hours and I was in bits unable to move, so I sacked that and thought I can do it the night before the op which I did. The first 48 hours of the Op were great. I could not feel the pain and the machine was doing its job, which is to mask the pain. I have to remember this is not a cure, but to reduce the medication via this machine so I do not feel the nasty side effects of all the meds I take and try and get a little bit of life back to me. I posted on Facebook that all my troubles where over and this was awesome. I knew I was getting more than the 60% relief needed so I could go for the full implant, it then it started going downhill fast after that. The machine when fitted to you is only suppose to be on for 2 hours max and then off for 2 hours, and at first I did not really notice anything, but like mentioned after 2 days I started feeling a tremendous pain below my heart and around my side. It seemed to be under my ribs, and went away when I had to turn the machine off. But while it was off I started struggling with pain because the 50% reduction was starting to tell. When I fist starting taking all this pain medication, it took 2 years to get to the right dose so I was not in any pain, and I have tried 3 times previous to reduce the dose to see if I could get away with a little reduction, but all 3 times I had to go back up, and it proved it this time as well. 5 days after the OP I had to up my pain meds back to where they were which was disappointing, but while its on I go get the relief, although I struggle with this other pain and because its near my heart I don't think I can ignore it. I go back to the hospital tomorrow and I will have to tell them. Maybe it's just a wrong setting or placed to near something and next time it won't be such a problem. But of course the major factor is I won't be reducing my medication to enable me to get some life back, but I will be telling them it does work, and often I feel bad when even on this dose I'm use to, so I could still use it to help me then. Wether it's enough for the full implant or not I don't know, it's not up to me, but I will not lie just to get the full implant, I will be truthful. Of course I will update this blog with further news next time. What else has happened..... I still have not had my benefit sorted, and its now 13 months since I asked to be moved over to the support group. I have however got to the medical stage, and I did go for a medical just 2 weeks ago on the 6th May Tuesday or was it the 5th. Anyways I went and arrived at 3-55pm and was told there where 2 in front of me but would not have to wait long. By 4-30 the guy come up to me and said sorry no one will see me now its to late. I went ape shit. I had to travel to Guildford for this medical and from previous medicals I know how painful it is for me to get there and back. I was not happy at all and I'm amazed I kept it cool ish. It wasn't the guys fault, he was told to tell me, so I couldn't blame him and give him loads cos it wasn't fair to him. But hell I was mad. I was told another appointment would be made, so still 13 months on and still they continue to fuck me about with this benefit shite, and oh I still have not had my other appointment...... I don't know what else to do regards the benefit apart from wait. I just hope it all gets paid back. I have now been added to the mental health register. I went to the GP because of my mood swings and snapping at everybody and wanting to kill the world. Up north it might be normal behaviour, but down here they take it seriously and I was referred straight away to see the people in Dorking. Given on where I'm from, my take on the ethic people of this country and my utter hate for Muslims you can now guess who my doctor was at the mental health.... Although I had to sit there and tell her how I felt and what upsets me, see above.... I thought she took it quite well. I was getting more annoyed though as the session went on. I can't recall it but it was something to do with football and quite general knowledge, but she didn't have a clue, so I was getting more and more rattled with her. Jo said it was prob done on purpose to get a reaction from me. Well it almost worked. Anyways I was given some new anti depressants and after 2 weeks or so they kicked in. I still feel exactly the same mood wise, but now my sleep is all to pot. I can not sleep properly and I often find myself tossing and turning for hours just to get to sleep. On a normal night it's sleep about 2am from trying at roughly midnight. Jo gets up at 6am and although I go upstairs to sleep when she gets up and no matter how sleepy I am I then proceed to toss some more until about 11am sometimes later. I then sleep till about 4pm. I have tried everything to alter it but it doesn't work. So that's almost everyday ruined if I wanted to do anything. Weekends are bad because Jo is home so I spend a fair bit of time in the sofa bed. In turn that's ruined the poker with hardly, no that's completely no poker at all this month and its now the 20th. Compare that to last month and the rakeback I received back was €286. For this month it's about a quid.... Next up is Wings. The poor thing had a abscess the size of a golf ball under his chin, and eventually Jo took him to Cambridge to get treatment. We have given up with vets, they basically just rip you off and try and abuse your love for your pet to charge what the hell they like and still don't have a clue on how to deal with the problem. So the Wings was in Guinnea hospital after the abscess was lanced and drained. It was awful and the smell wasn't pleasant either. But after 5 days of draining on a daily basis they eventually allowed him back home and was discharged. Several days went pass and noticed it getting bigger again, but the research on the net said it will do this and eventually the body will absorb the blood back in. 3 weeks later I say to Jo this isn't right, the thing was the size of a bigger golf ball and she agreed that it needed looking at again, but this time did not have to travel to far. She went yesterday in the morning and came back with him which was a good sign..... But the abscess had returned and was drained. Again the smell was horrid and they drained about 100 grams of puss. He's only 800 grams to start off with, so you get an idea how big this thing was. He's had the shits for weeks as well, so all in all its been a bit messy. Jo is going to continue to drain it now and see where that takes us. He's been great though, proper little solider. No moaning or playing up. Hopefully next update I will be able to say he's fully recovered. What else...... Gran has been poorly, infact the entire nursing home has been poorly with Everyman and his dog catching a bug. No one could shift it either, and so my gran had a bad case, and just when you thought it had gone it returned with more vengeance. I was so worried I honestly thought it was the end for her. She is 88 and I stayed up north till the worst had passed or god forbid the angels took her, but she pulled through it and I still have my gran. I helped my dad buy a car, and again I stayed longer because he couldn't do it by himself and I had my car. He's now the proud owner of the car he has always wanted..... A Jag, and it suits him. Chuffed for him, I just hope it doesn't break down often. But again it was nice to help him. He's a proud and stubborn person who refuses help and everything will be fine, so defo nice to spend some time with him and help him get what he wanted. Currently sat on the train after going back to hospital to get the trail removed in London. I had it removed and spoke to the doctor, and straight away I know there is something not right. Last week before the Op I was speaking to a guy who also was having the trail and I bumped into him again today. He went in before me and just before he left to go home he spoke to me and told what they said and things. He was approved for the full implant right there and then and told me if I had holidays booked make sure I tell them so they can work round them. I was never asked about holidays. I was told I need to have another consultation with the top guy and see where we go from there. I filled out all the papers and told them it was the best thing since slice bread when it was on. Apparently even the full implant can only be on for 2 hours max at a time, which is why I will be knocked back for the full implant. I struggled after it was switched off. Maybe it's a case of waiting for an advance in technology so you can leave it on for more than the two hours max currently. So I guess that's that then, and its carry on regardless now. I could of just lied ! At the moment, that's all I think. Apart from this Friday is whit Friday and I shall be going up north per norm to celebrate it like every year for the last 45 yrs...... It's unreal that out of Mossley, no one has a clue what it's all about. Although its not the same these days with Aunty Aud no longer with us, and the pubs don't break any rules these days for opening up at 8-30am. It kind of spoils it when it's all legal. But last year I actually missed the walks because of the pain and sleepiness. There in the morning and I just couldn't do it. I was there for the afternoon and the bands and still met up with Aunty Aud's kids and its getting bigger every year now with cousins from other families joining in. We have the group photo and post it up on Facebook. I might try and have a drink this year, although I'm very limited to how much I can drink, with 2 being the max no doubt. I need to think about getting home to Jo as well because its a bank holiday weekend, so will prob travel up tomorrow night and come back Saturday night to avoid the traffic. I can't think of anything else, and of course every time I say that or write that I think of something else. Last time I was up north I made arrangements to go to the dogs in Manchester with my dad. He loves going and I get to spend some time with him to. Also get to ride in the new Jag as well! So there I was minding my own business and Mick Bolton walks past me near the bookie stands. I thought is it or isn't it, and although he's put a shit load of weight on I was certain it was him. Mick was my boss at Camfil when I had the works accident. I haven't spoke to him since I had the last meeting with him and Sarah thingy in her office at Camfil. That was the time she said sorry Darren, but its not company policy to get rid of anyone who has a accident, so we call it long term sick leave, and you'll be still on Camfil's books until you start another job. I don't what why they do that, and I do not know why it's any advantage to me because I don't receive anything from them at all. Anyways I shout his name and he turns and smiles and says Daz White, what you doing up here. It must be close to 5 years since we last spoke, and he reminds me of that and the email I sent him telling him its all his fault and I'm going to top myself..... Of course I was angry back then with him because I thought he didn't give a toss, but he says, what could of I done. To be honest his hands where tied and he still had his family to think of as well. It all comes flooding back to me and I remind myself that its true, and it wasn't the first time I took the wrap and saved someone's job who was going to get sacked along with me at UK Metals many moons ago. So we make up and chat, and I ask if he knew how much compensation I settled for. They wouldn't tell him upstairs, so I have great pleasure in telling him, and then makes me feel worse by saying I should of got half a million for what I've had to go through....... I was glad to bump into him, he was good to me and we had some good laughs, and he respected me and what I could do in London with that van. He asks how I been and I ask about him and we shake hands again and I say I'll email him, which I still need to do. I then promptly bang £40 on a dog cos its the last race before me and father go and it romps home at 9/2 meaning I win £220 happy days...... Until next update thanks for reading!